I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
