Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
