guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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