no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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