I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
