it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
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So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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