I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
