I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize