Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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