Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
