i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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