Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
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