If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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