went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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