Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
