He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
