Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
