Your face is a jimmy john
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All the doctor said was why
Randomize