my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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