dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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