david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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