My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
