I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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