Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
