she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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