My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
