I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
