my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
