she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
