god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
