Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
