I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
