Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
