ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
