Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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