You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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