and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
