You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
