You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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