We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
