Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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