I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
