I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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