So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
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I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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