she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
