I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
