There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
