She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
