I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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