Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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