Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We had to coat check the pizza.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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