If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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