It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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