New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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