drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
