I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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