the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
