I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
