Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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