I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
