I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
