I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
