Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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