Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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