do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
