Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
