Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
