She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
