If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
