Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
