walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
