Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
