Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i would punch a child for taco bell
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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